Mi Duck Anuh Mi Duckling

Raising Individuals, Not Reflections: The Myth of the Mini-Me

“Why can’t you just be more like your sister?”
“That’s not how I raised you!”
“Back in my day, we didn’t question everything…”

If you’ve ever heard or said anything like that, you’re not alone.

We often expect our children to reflect us in looks, behavior, values, and dreams. But as the Jamaican proverb reminds us:

“Mi duck anuh mi duckling.”
Translation: I am a duck, but I am not my duckling.
Meaning: A parent and a child are connected, but they are not the same person.

It’s a proverb soaked in wisdom. One that encourages us to release the grip of control and embrace the art of individuality with love.

This blog will explore the meaning of this saying and how we can apply it in our homes, workplaces, and communities wherever intergenerational and interpersonal dynamics are at play.

The Deeper Meaning: From Connection to Respect

At first glance, this saying may seem obvious. Of course parents and children are different! But in practice, many parents struggle to let go of the idea that their children should follow their path.

The proverb reminds us:

Children come through us, not for us.
Our job is to guide, not to mold.
They will find their own way — and that’s not a betrayal, but a blessing.

It also reminds young people that they can honor their roots without copying them.

Parent Without Possession

In Jamaican households and many others globally parenting often comes with high expectations. Whether it’s career paths, religion, relationships, or gender roles, children can feel boxed in by what their parents want for them instead of what they want with them. To apply this proverb at home:

Listen Without Projection. When your child speaks, are you really hearing them? Or are you filtering their words through your own dreams? Take time to understand their passions even if they’re nothing like yours.

Guide Without Controlling. You are the guardrails, not the driver. Help them see the cliff’s edge, but don’t steer their vehicle. Encourage their exploration. You’re the compass, not the destination.

Celebrate Their Differences. Maybe they prefer art over accounting. Activism over academics. Show them their uniqueness is not a disappointment, but a divine design.

“Love your child for who they are, not who you hoped they’d be. That’s where true connection begins.”

At Work: Leading with Generational Awareness

This proverb also applies in the workplace. Especially when older and younger generations work together. Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z all have different ways of thinking, communicating, and problem-solving. Use the proverb to:

Foster mutual respect between generations
Avoid judgment based on age or cultural upbringing
Mentor without condescension, and learn from younger colleagues

For example, if you’re a manager raised on in-person meetings, but your younger team prefers Slack and async tools, don’t assume they’re lazy or disengaged. Their duckling style is just different from your duck style.

A wise leader adjusts expectations without compromising values.

In your Community, Respect Different Lived Experiences

Communities thrive when there’s room for diversity of thought. Whether it’s a local neighborhood, a church group, or a civics organization, people bring their upbringing, perspectives, and culture to the table. Applying this proverb means:

Avoiding “we always did it this way” thinking
Making room for new voices without defensiveness
Understanding that progress may look different depending on your generational or cultural lens

True respect means leaving space for others to show up as themselves.

Have Conversations That Build Bridges

Want to bring this proverb to life in your relationships? Here are three intentional practices:

Ask Before You Advise. “Would you like my opinion, or would you prefer I just listen?” Respecting boundaries in conversations is a powerful act of love.

Reflect on Your Childhood. What expectations shaped you that you wish were different? What freedoms do you now appreciate? Pass that grace forward.

Use Identity Journaling Prompts. For parents: “What dreams am I projecting onto my child?” For children: “What parts of my identity feel truly mine?”

Want to go deeper into parenting, leadership, or generational healing? Check out these books.

Memories of a Jamaican Grandma: Heartfelt stories, early memories, and lifelong lessons by Beryl Murdoch.

The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary – A transformational guide to parenting with mindfulness and emotional intelligence.

You are a duck. They are your duckling. But they have their own feathers. Their own path. Their own rhythm.

This proverb isn’t about letting go of responsibility. It’s about letting go of the illusion of control. It’s about loving deeply and releasing gracefully. Whether you’re a parent, mentor, or community elder, your role is not to create clones, but to cultivate character. Be the guide that lets others shine in their own light.

And to every “duckling” reading this: Honor where you came from but don’t be afraid to swim your own direction. The pond is wide. And there’s room for all of us.

What’s one way you’ve learned to embrace the differences between you and someone you love — whether it’s a child, parent, or partner? Share your story or wisdom with us in the comments. You never know who might need to hear it.